行香子.七夕（旧作）

那山那水头像

发布时间：2016-06-21 00:00

阅读 3799 | 分类：文学

夜际萤虫，暮雨新空。

念七夕，万里长风。

经年别恨，关河重重。

问谁相望？谁相忆？谁相逢？


情深不禁，天上人间。

只如梦，太过匆匆。

愿人长久，携手尘中。

看一溪月，一灯火，一笛同。

留言区（共10条）

2016-06-23 00:00
谢赏评，敬茶一杯！
2016-06-23 00:00
情深意重，相思之苦，尽在词中。欣赏问好！
2016-06-22 00:00
<p> <span><strong><span style="font-size:18px;">“钦定词谱</span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:18px;">”</span></strong></span><strong><span style="font-size:18px;">&nbsp;载“行香子”一共八体，其中第一体是最常用的，您的亦与此体最为接近：（希望正规用“钦定词谱”，个人的作品往往已经变化，不足为范。）</span></strong> </p> <p> <strong><span style="font-size:18px;">&nbsp;请您自校：</span></strong> </p> <p style="text-align:left;" class="MsoNormal" align="left"> <b><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">行香子</span></b><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:red;font-size:9pt;">双调六十六字，前段八句四平韵，后段八句三平韵</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:red;font-size:12pt;">　　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">　晁补之</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;"> </span> </p> <p style="text-align:left;" class="MsoNormal" align="left"> <span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">前岁栽桃</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">今岁成蹊</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">韵</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">更黄鹂久住相知</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">韵</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">微行清露</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">细履斜晖</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">韵</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">对林中侣</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">闲中我</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">醉中谁<span style="color:#deb698;">韵</span></span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;color:#deb698;font-size:12pt;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">◎⊙⊙◎</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙○⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">◎</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙○◎</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">何妨到老</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">韵</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">常闲常醉</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">任功名生事俱非</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">韵</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">衰颜难强</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">拙语多迟</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">韵</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">但醉同行</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">月同坐</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">句</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">影同归<span style="color:#deb698;">韵</span></span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;color:#deb698;font-size:12pt;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙○◎</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:12pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙○⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">⊙○⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">◎</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">◎○⊙</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:宋体;font-size:12pt;">◎⊙</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:宋体;color:#deb698;font-size:9pt;">　</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;">●</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12pt;">○○</span><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:12pt;"> </span> </p>
2016-06-22 00:00
好的，我校对一下。谢谢了！
2016-06-21 00:00
已经帮你修改
2016-06-21 00:00
<span style="font-size:24px;"><strong>钦定词谱 载 “行香子”一共八体，您这似皆有不合之处。何不将您引用的谱式列出？</strong></span>
2016-06-21 00:00
握手，问好！
2016-06-21 00:00
之前是参照苏轼词《行香子.过七里滩》格式而写，格律是否严谨，因我致知所限，成篇余不免有东施效频之嫌。今幸遇先生是方家，不确之处，望以雅正。握手，问好！
2016-06-21 00:00
读此文，可见相思之苦，然心若在，情依旧。
2016-06-21 00:00
有一字打错，“万里长空”，应为:“万里长风”。谢兄赏评！